"Loving What Is"

The Book

Loving What Is – Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

Byron Katie

What It’s About

A very depressed and mentally ill Byron Katie had a spiritual experience, similar to what Eckhart Tolle described in The Power of Now.  But her experience led her to different, though similar conclusion and, as a result, she created “The Work.”  The Work is four questions and a “Turnaround.    When applied to difficult situations, fears, or perceptions, what Katie calls “our stories,” these questions can help create a change in attitude. 

The four questions are:

1.     Is it true?

2.     Do I know for sure that it’s true?

3.     How does this thought make me feel?

4.     Who would I be without this thought?

Apply the Turnaround.

For example, I might think someone is angry with me, so I apply The Work and it looks like this:

My friend is angry with me.

Is this true?

-   I don’t know, but I think he is.   (Since I don’t know for sure, I can skip the second question.)

How does the thought, “My friend is angry with me,” make me feel?

-   I feel scared and sad.

Who would I be without the thought, “My friend is angry with me?”
- I would feel peaceful.  I would be happy.

Possible Turnarounds

-   My friend is NOT angry with me.

-   My friend is angry, but at something or someone else.

-   My friend is tired.

-   My friend is sick.

-   I am actually angry and that’s what I was feeling.

There are many ways to “turn around” the original story, but usually the NOT statement works.  If it doesn’t, there are more possibilities to consider.

This process works best with writing. 

Why I Picked This Book

Along with The Power of Now and The War of Art, this would be another desert island book.  I have used this process many times and it has freed me from depression and fear when I was in worrisome situations.  I used it at work once when I was required to attend a meeting that I felt was unnecessary.  I was quite unhappy about this.  After applying The Work to my negative feelings, I not only felt completely different.  I realized, in this case, I was the problem, not the meeting.  This revelation changed my perspective and my day.   I was able to take a leadership position in the meeting and create inspiration for others.  This is one of several times The Work brought me relief and joy.

How This Can Help You

We all tell our own “stories” about how the world is, how our lives are, and how things should have been different.  The Work can help you examine your beliefs and free you of emotional burdens.  This can help us in relationships and in all areas of our lives, because it helps us to look at our problems differently.

Quotes from the Book

“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.”

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.”

“Our parents, our children, our spouses, and our friends will continue to press every button we have, until we realize what it is that we don't want to know about ourselves, yet. They will point us to our freedom every time.”

“Peace doesn't require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.”